break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
