Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
