Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
