In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
