A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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