i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
