my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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