Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
