Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
