it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
