Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
