i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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