So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
