Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
