And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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