it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
