do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize