I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
