watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
