my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize