I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
