Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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