there's paper in my vomit.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
