I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
