That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
