weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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