chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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