Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize