somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Randomize