I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
