when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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