You work out of a Hotel?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize