Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
