Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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