The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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