Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
