she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
