Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
