My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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