life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
