Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
