but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
