So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
