you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize