Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Drunk is not a location!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
