We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
