yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
