I'm gonna have a badass scar
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
