I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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