could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize