Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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