whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I believe in your delicious
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
