Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
