I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
