so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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