You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
