I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
