Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
