is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
