I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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