I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
