I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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