After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
