Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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