I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
