I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
