Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
