"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
