i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
