Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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