You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
