Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
