we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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