I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
