Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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