someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize