i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
