Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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