You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
