I just saw a hot homeless man
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
