Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize