He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
