Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Acid is not a monday night drug
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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