Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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