That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
