I'm gonna have a badass scar
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
