Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
