yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
