My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
