I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
