The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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